Say Goodbye...
by Chiriru
Summary: 3xD, Songfic. Dorothy looks back on how she fell in love with...HIM, and tries to escape her feelings..but he stops her. (warning: likely too sappy!)


// Take a bow, the night is over  
This masquerade is getting older  
Light are low, the curtains down  
There's no one here  
[There's no one here, there's no one in the crowd] \\  
  
Dorothy sat, perfectly still on the trapeze. It wasn't the first   
time she had perched herself up on this little wooden bar, and it   
probably wouldn't be the last. Although her clothes - a simple blue,   
cotton, plaid sundress and a pair of cute sandals - showed her to be   
out of place, her poise didn't. She sat there as calm and as   
collected as ever, as if she might have been sitting in the stands.  
  
Below her, the circus people were putting away props from tonight's   
performance. The bleachers were completely empty; save the litter of   
the popcorn bags, the spilled sodas, the fallen ice cream cones. No   
people. The huge spot lights were off, the minor lighting was been   
carted away for tomorrow. Some of the performers wheeled out cages,   
other picking up scarves or other pieces used. Catherine, for her   
part was plucking her knives out of the board, while Trowa - a   
wonderful shirtless Trowa - helped to move platforms back into place   
for tomorrow and the lions back into their cages.  
  
The party in the background from those who had completed their tasks   
was beginning to swell. The clatter of bottles, the smell of food   
cooking over a fire, the murmur of people chattering. Dorothy could   
hear Manager's deep voice talking to someone quietly and the laughter   
of the elephant riders as the girls were amused by the lion tamer.  
  
'Who should be tending the lions, instead of Trowa,' Dorothy thought,   
swinging a bit on the wooden bar.  
  
// Say your lines but do you feel them  
Do you mean what you say when there's no one around [no one around]  
Watching you, watching me, one lonely star  
[One lonely star you don't know who you are] \\  
  
Something made Trowa look at her. Maybe it was the clatter of dishes   
outside. maybe it was the soft patter of her flip-flop hitting the   
dirt on the floor. But he glanced up to Dorothy, up in her own   
little world - while swinging softly on the trapeze. Her eyes seem   
out of focus, and her long blonde hair waved gently in the wake of   
her rocking motion.  
  
Dorothy, it seemed didn't notice him for a while. Thinking about   
what, he wasn't sure. A small grin planted itself on her pink lips,   
and she blinked a couple of times. Then, she looked over to him,   
almost studying him - analyzing him almost fifty feet away. Her pale   
ice eyes searching his emerald gaze for something...for answers. For   
truth, for hidden lies...for a reason.  
  
But she wasn't able to tell. Even if he had opened up, either she   
was too far away or he was to good at holding up an emotional   
facade - she didn't get anything. She could feel his eyes studying   
her, wondering about her silence, about why she always hid up there   
when she visited him, about why she managed to stick around so long,   
about why he wanted her to.  
  
Dorothy dropped the staring contest, and studied her shoeless foot   
instead. She'd find more answers in her little toe than in his   
eyes. She let out another small grin...she was being so childish.   
With a small smile, she pushed the other sandal off her foot. it   
landed, almost five feet away from the other shoe, making another   
small thump. That thump broke the spell; Dorothy went back to her   
soul searching and Trowa went back to work.  
  
// I've always been in love with you [always with you]  
I guess you've always known it's true [you know it's true]  
You took my love for granted, why oh why  
The show is over, say good-bye \\  
  
How long had it been since she'd first seen him? Almost a year or   
two. Only a year since he'd first seen her. Earlier, when he was   
part of OZ, she had seen him. She had studied him then. She knew   
that Trowa Barton was particular. Some even called him odd.   
Something just wasn't right with him.  
  
But, back then, she could do nothing. She was the granddaughter of   
Duke Dermail of Romafeller and she was here to train. Boys weren't   
an option. And, besides, Lady Une spent her extra time with him.   
Anne had known he was a Gundam Pilot, even when the other didn't.   
And Anne confided in few people - Dorothy was one of the few.  
  
Back, during the middle of the war, she was infatuated and the fact   
that her unknown crush was pilot was ever so mysterious.   
  
Grandfather had taught her to use what ever mean possible to get what   
was needed...or what was wanted. Many times, over and over, she had   
contemplated going into his room. "If you want it, take it. No one   
will ever give you anything - not with out a string attached. I'm   
the only one you can depend on now." He had told her that...so, so   
many times. She knew how to break the codes. She could have.....  
  
But...she never did. Some how she knew it would shatter her dreams.   
Either she would be all alone, or she would never be able to return   
to the place she called home. So she did was she thought was easier -  
she swallowed what had been an inkling of emotions, and went upon   
her business. She returned home, to her family. She pressed it down   
and let her bitterness consisting of "what if" and "I should've"   
consume her nights and her job for grandfather consume her days.  
  
The swinging trapeze had stopped, long ago.  
  
// Say good-bye [bye bye], say good-bye  
  
Make them laugh, it comes so easy  
When you get to the part  
Where you're breaking my heart [breaking my heart]  
Hide behind your smile, all the world loves a clown  
[Just make 'em smile the whole world loves a clown] \\  
  
A small, almost bitter laugh, escaped her throat and echoed within   
the tent. Trowa Barton, now showered and dressed, looked up at   
Dorothy as he came in to the big top. His friend was still up   
there. Dorothy was a close friend - as close now as Relena or Cathy   
or any other of his close friends. Quatre was right; she was as   
sweet and as nice as he had thought. Dorothy had been around when   
Cathy had been in the hospital from the accident with the tent. She   
had visited when Quatre couldn't. Trowa realized, that she was   
around - right when he needed some one. Sometimes right out there,   
some times hanging around in the background.  
  
Dorothy, bit her lip, the pink flesh easily becoming red from   
pressure. He never even could tell. For a long time, she had shoved   
it so far inwards...and when he told her she was living a lie.... It   
hurt. Usually what people say rolled off. Quatre had helped to drag   
up her father - that had stung like a bee sting compared to the   
cannon balls that Trowa had thrown her way.  
  
It was so cold, his words that day. And yet, while it had burned her   
to the bones, it didn't bother him. The next time she had seen him   
he was as happy as she had ever seen him. It was a "We're all done   
fighting" type of party, so prevalent in the weeks after the wall.   
She wasn't even there for long, but the image of him out-and-out   
laughing amazed her. The sound was deep, and rich, and it made her   
tingle inside. Dressed in khakis and a polo shirt he looked about   
as dressed up as he would be and yet...he glowed with happiness. A   
glow it seemed. She had frozen that frame in her mind - his head   
back, his face filled with a smile, his rich voice echoing in her   
head.  
  
And here she was, out here again...and it didn't matter. They had   
hung out like best buddies, how many times? It hadn't changed a   
thing. It was all the same, there was no love for her here.   
Friendship, mutual understanding, memories of times past. No road to   
the future and no hope of feelings returned. Another bitter laugh   
escaped, causing Trowa to look at her in alarm.  
  
// Wish you well, I cannot stay  
You deserve an award for the role that you played [role that you   
played]  
No more masquerade, you're one lonely star  
[One lonely star and you don't know who you are] \\  
  
'Bravo, Mr. Barton, Bravo. Congratulations for putting up with me.'   
she thought, cynically. 'I wish I could continue this dance with you,   
Trowa. I really do. I have to go on, while I still have rational on   
my side. Goodbye Trowa, wonderful Trowa. I need to move on now. I   
need to grow up, and you need to let me. You had found your   
self...you know your heart. Mine is just waking up. God..please let   
me leave here, with out hurting myself more than ever. He will never   
love me, and I need to find myself. And one more thing, God, what   
ever you do, don't let me fall for those eyes of his again. If I do,   
I don't know if I could ever really escape.'  
  
// I've always been in love with you [always with you]  
I guess you've always known it's true [you know it's true]  
You took my love for granted, why oh why  
The show is over, say good-bye \\  
  
Dorothy pushed on air a bit, preparing for her flip down. She   
needed momentum if she were to jump down - which was about the only   
way from this high up. She needed to go, before she lost it. What   
she didn't realize was she had already lost it...a few errant tears   
were already crawling down her creamy cheek, dripping on her blue   
dress straps before being absorbed by the cotton fabric. Or that   
Trowa had climbed up the pole and was sitting on the platform that   
most had used to get up to the bars she was on, normally. That he   
had been watching her, or that he had changed once more - into a   
white T-shirt and plaid pajama pants. She hadn't noticed that she   
had been sitting up there for three hours after the show had end at   
ten. Her trip had her miss the big party that was still winding down   
for some and that she would be lucky to get to her hotel with no   
questions asked.  
  
// Say good-bye [bye bye], say good-bye  
  
All the world is a stage [world is a stage]  
And everyone has their part [has their part]  
But how was I to know which way the story'd go  
How was I to know you'd break  
[You'd break, you'd break, you'd break]  
You'd break my heart \\  
  
Standing up, her knees popped from there long held position and she   
had her calves file a slight protest. Grabbing the rope which held   
her "swing" up in her left hand, she raised her right to her eyes.   
  
'Dang it' she thought, with a small sniffle. 'I couldn't even wait   
till I got home. Stupid emotions. I hate them,' anger now clouding   
her thoughts, trying to make up for her sad, lost, and lonely   
feelings.  
  
Up to momentum, she prepared to jump, when a warm hand, a tan hand,   
caught her wrist.  
  
"Don't leave." a warm voice said. "Talk to me about it."  
  
// I've always been in love with you  
[I've always been in love with you]  
Guess you've always known  
You took my love for granted, why oh why  
The show is over, say good-bye \\  
  
"I *can't*," she said, her voice wavering, as she stared out at the   
open ground - now devoid of litter as well as people. Two blue   
sandals had been paired together, placed approixmently infront of the   
trapeze. Looking back at him, water in her eyes, she whispered   
again. "I just can't, I'm sorry." Blinking back tears, tears she   
never used to carry, she spoke once more. "I have to leave. Goodbye   
Trowa."  
  
Trowa always had the feeling in the back that one day Dorothy would   
leave. 'I suppose, today is that day.' he reflected, 'but...I can   
try...'  
  
"Don't. For me." he said, quietly, looking at her tear streaked face   
and water filled eyes; her light makeup had long ago smeared on her   
face. "Stay. No one wants you to go. Your important to all of us.   
Don't go." He pulled the trapeze over, his hand only leaving hers   
for a moment, before capturing her once again, holding her on the   
small platform in the air. "Don't leave." he said, his voice barely   
above a whisper.  
  
// I've always been in love with you [always with you]  
I guess you've always known it's true [you know it's true]  
You took my love for granted, why oh why  
The show is over, say good-bye \\  
  
Soon, through the growing darkness, he saw something that most never   
saw - Dorothy Catalonia blushing. He smiled a small smile. Dorothy   
had always been a friend. But, obviously, she felt something more -   
strangely, it didn't ick him out. He kind of liked it. Was   
this...was this why she was leaving? He could tell, the way she had   
been acting - it wasn't until tomorrow, it would have been for a lot   
longer.  
  
"Stay here, Dorothy." he said, quietly, looking at her, nose to   
nose. There wasn't any escaping the truth now. Her eyes were still   
swimming in pools of tears, but her eyes shown with fear, confusion,   
and her now becoming glaringly obvious love. How long had this been   
going on, he wondered. Dorothy, took a chance and tried to study him   
once more. She saw happiness, and concern. And...something a kin to   
love. It surely wasn't her all consuming want...but whatever it was,   
it was there. All along, she noted. That same look for the past six   
months - not quite love, but almost. So hidden from himself, and she   
was blind to it.  
  
"Damn you!" she said, crying, and pounding on his chest. "This just   
isn't fair! Why! Why do you do this to me? Do you enjoy causing me   
pain?" The clown just responded by enveloping her into a conforting   
hug, silencing her blows, and evoking her sobs. "It's not fair..."   
she cried, her voice cracking. "I was ready! I finally had it all   
planned out and you have to..go..go and do thiiisss!" she let out   
with a small wail. Trowa rocked her back and forth, slightly,   
murmuring soothing words, and smoothing her hair. It wasn't long   
before her sobs subsided and they were on there way back down.  
  
// Say good-bye [bye bye], say good-bye  
Say good-bye \\  
  
"Good night, Trowa," she said, grabbing up her sandals.  
  
"Goodnight, not goodbye?" he asked, knowing that he would see her in   
the morning.  
  
"Goodnight." she affirmed. "I'll meet you for breakfast at Chedders,   
like usual."  
  
"Goodnight then, Dotty."  
  
Dorothy smiled, blushing a bit once more, before vooming away. Trowa   
watched her drive off, grinning a bit. 'No goodbyes any more.' he   
thought.  
  
~~~~~~~~  
  
Okay, I wanted angst. My muse didn't.  
Ryo: I like happy endings.  
Grrr. R&R!!!  
  
Chiri 


End file.
